naked sex story

The first excuse is I had just split with my girlfriend, and being
shallow - needed to move on… fast. And I had an all expenses hotel
room for two bought and paid for by my company.
But first - let me explain about Ashley, the victim, uh - I mean
woman. She was a friends mum. Back when I used to sleep over at my
mates house as a kid - I was 10 and thought she was hot as fuck. I
used to wank obsessively thinking of her. In their bathroom was the
laundry basket and I swiped a pair of her knick-knicks. Dropped em on
my face and proceeded to 'fire the custard cannon' inhaling the
mushroomy sent.
Problem was I was in the friends house who's mum it was, and we were
in bunk beds. Russel, the friend below me asked "Uh….. what you
doin??"
I forgot he was there…
"I'm, er, having an Asthma attack. Stop talking you are ruining it… Oh
and cover your eyes!"

The friendship ended when I wiped my arse on his pillow.

Fast forward 20 years or so, and I am in a hotel in Leeds. Very, very
pissed. As I said I was recently single, so invited my mate Bulldog
along. For those of you who know Bulldog, I asked all my proper mates
but was too short notice. Bulldog fell off his bike as a kid, and has
lots of scarring on his head where hair doesn't grow. He looks like he
got chewed up by a dog - hence bulldog. I am drinking to forget the
choice of idiot I have brought with me - Bulldog eating his normal
diet of pills!

There was a conference at the hotel I was staying at (why I was there)
- so it was rammed with women, and I am hitting on every single one. I
was on about my 25th 'fuck off' - then…. "OH MY GOD - is that you… it
IS you…. hi yoooooooou"
Ashley - Russel's mum. Time had not been kind to old Ashley.
She told me about her difficult break up… she said I hadn't aged a
bit, but she had as she had liver failure, leaving her skin sallow.
Me - pissed (drunk), told her I used to wank over her at 11, and stole
her panties.
So I am flirting, getting booglie and being a twat.
She - to my total shock is flirting back.
So, me, being all sensitive said:
"How about you come upstairs and fuck me and my mate"
She said….."OK"
(didn't expect that)
………………………………………….. ……"Seriously??"
"Yeah - why not" says she
"Fuck yeah" shouts Bulldog
"Shut up Bulldog" says I

So then, it turned into a game of chicken as we walked to the lift.
"come on then" I said as I started walking
"OK" she said… following me

"I'm serious" I said.
"Me too" she said.
"I'm not joking" I said
"Good" she said.
"Me too" said Bulldog
"Shut the fuck up bulldog"
I remember thinking 'Oh shit you've done it again - say your joking
and stop this!'

By now - we had got to the lift. I had sobered up real fast. I am
beginning to think this is a bad idea. It was a joke. After the Banana
lady - I leaned that fantasy is better than reality. But I called it,
and had way too much pride. You gotta know when to hold em and when to
fold em.
In the lift, with its harsh overhead lighting - she was not pretty,
sagging skin and yellow liver failure eyes. In the mirrored walls I
could see Bulldog shuffling about with excited tension, playing with
himself through his trouser pocket. It was repulsive, right there I
should have hit the alarm button and fucked off.

So, we get in my room. Of all the things you have read about me, this
was by far the most awkward moment to date. My old mate's elderly,
liver failing mum, drunk. My junkie mate looking like he is going to
have a stroke and grinning like Forrest Gump, touching his cock
through his pockets. And me. All looking at each other like a western
gun fight is about to start. Nobody actually tells you how these
things get going, you just start making random small talk.
I said "Chilly today isn't it"
Bulldog: "Huh??"
Ashley: "what? that's not very sexy"
I remember this next bit, as it is one of my epic FAILS. I had to say
something sexy, and wild, but didn't know what to say - all nervous I
honestly said the following…..
"Uh, yeaaaah….. my dick feels like corn"
corn… CORN?? what the fuck was I thinking, corn? I panicked and said
the first thing to come to mind and it was corn. Lucky for me - she
didn't miss a beat and said "Yeah, let me put some butter on it"
….and that's how it started

Bulldog was so amped his head went red with all the scars white, So -
I thought, fuck it - get in first. We started kissing. Even that was
awful, it was like a hovercraft drove over my face. Bulldog unbuttons
his shirt, I get naked in a flash to beat him, go for the kill, bend
Ashley over - cos I didn't want to do it face to face as she looked
just like my 10 year old mate Russel - but with a vagina.

I plumb it in, so far so good. I am hammering away. For a short while
it feels good and you forget the circumstances. I open my eyes and
Bulldog right next to me - looking right in my face. Grinning. I
didn't put any music on, so the only sound was like a dog walking
through mud, only wetter, and my idiot mate right up in my face. So I
whispered:
"Fuck off"
"What?"
"Fuck - off"
"Fuck yeahhhh"
"No - fuck off"
"My go!!"
"What"
"Gimme a go"
"I just started"
"I'm gonna blow - let me go"
with that he shuffles off in the corner and I can see him out of the
corner of my eye getting undressed 'FFLAPP' there was a wet slapping
sound, as if someone hit Bulldog, I snap my head around to look… 'FUCK
MEEEEEE'
It was Bulldogs cock. It was fucking huge. Like a comedy rubber, foot
long, lady slaying monster dick. The noise was as it swung and slapped
his thigh!! He then starts wagging it about, trying to get blood in it
cos it is too big to just 'wood up' like a normal-un.
You know that old footage of the girl in Viatnam - running down the
street naked, all burned from Napalm and screaming - that is how I
felt right there. How the fuck am I supposed to compete with that? I
am flapping a sub-standard baby dick and he is packing a monster!! I
know us guys are insecure about the size of our cocks, but fuck me!!
This ugly, fucking fat retard looking idiot, is swinging a giant cock
about.

Now, let me just clear up the size issue. It matters. A lot. Trust me.
Want to know how I know? Go into a sex shop. All the dildo's are thick
9+ inches or more of monster cock. Never has a woman gone "Uhh, yeah -
do you happen to have a sub-average size dildo?" Would never happen.
NEVER HAPPEN. The only time you could by a cock my size, all small and
ugly with an awkward kink in the middle would be on a key ring. And it
would be a joke.

"my go" Bulldog says again
I hadn't realized I had stopped moving. Just standing there, losing my
erection while looking at his - and still in mates mum. So I pull out.
Something about my idiot mate and his giant cock killed the moment for
me.

Now - you think everyone fucks like you. You base your basic 'fuck
technique' on porn, medium speed regular half second piston-like
pumps. Well…. they don't. Bulldong as I now call him is naked but for
shoes and socks. Still wagging it like he is going to smash her about
the head with it. He closes in behind Ashley… Him grappling the
monster with both hands, it so big it would bend in the middle, Flop
out and swing around. He'd grab it again. it was like watching a guy
try to post a python through a letterbox.
Then Ashley whent ooOOOOOHHHH SHIT yeah - oh yeah.

Needless to say - she didn't say anything like that with me. I felt
sooo shit. Curse my button mushroom-like cock. I didn't want to be
there and my pride had just been flamed.

Then he started fucking - christ it was awful to see. Grunting and
squeals, and hammering away like it was a race, like three hits a
second machine gun on auto, frenzy fuck. Bulldog is a big fatty fat,
fat. He looked like a giant baby with a monster cock, fucking my mates
mum. An image I will never forget - and the most traumatic I have yet
to see. All I could think is 'I forgot to make noises! Are you
supposed to make noises? He's doing the sex noises and she seems to
like it - not only has he a fantastic cock - he does noises!'

After only about 4 minutes Bulldog starts making loud grunts, pulls
out the massive beast, it slaps on her back 'thud' and he then blows
his load - all over her back. He then, like cave man, went
'Uunnhhhhhnnnghhhhuuuhhhhhhhhhggghh' and flopped on the bed, like a
grizzly bear shot in the ass with a tranquilizer dart.
I honestly thought, when he pulled his dick all out of her, her liver
would have shlopped out with it, hanging there like a grey flesh
yo-yo.

So - there I am. My freak mate, naked but for shoes - asleep on a bed.
My mates mum bent over expecting me to perform, and me, in a hotel
room. I wanted to die.
Ashley looks over her shoulder at me "Come on baby - fuck me - gimmie that corn"
I look at her pussy. Bulldog had ruined it. It was huge and stretched
out of shape like she had just given birth. I could have stuck my
whole hand in her cunt and flipped a coin!!
How the hell am I going to follow that??
So I position myself behind her grab her ass, and eyes shut, I am
thinking of as many sexy things as I can. Just get hard - ignore whats
going on, even morning piss-wood would do. Me trying to fuck her right
there was like pushing a marsh mellow into a kebab. I'm as hard as
jelly. Then my hand slips……………………. Bulldogs Junk is all over her and I
have just put my hand in it!
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRGH'
It looks like a badly iced ring doughnut. So I grab her skirt,
pretending to massage her ass, and scoop it out of the way. No -
nooooo nooooooooooo NO!!
I have another mans cum on my hand. I was either going to me sick or cry.
I just stared at it, horrified. I must have been there a while, as she
turned around. I didn't even see her get up!!
She then started to blow my tiny baby cock - and that took my mind off
it. In fact, a blow job will pretty much take my mind off anything. I
had restored some pride, as I was now sporting just under 5 inches of
solid cock. It might not have been a giant like Bulldog's but you
could have prized open a steel door with it.
So, Ashly bends over and I'm in. It's OK - feels good, I am doing the
noises, working away. She is making noises - probably sympathy noises
but who cares, I am fucking.

I was just getting into it, blocking out what I have just seen by
remembering the best bits from my porn collection.
'Bang'
something hard hit the wall. I was all 'What the fuck was that?' I
look about, and it was a shoe. Bulldogs shoe. Did he throw a shoe at
me? "Bulldog what the fuuuh….."
I look over and he is naked - socks and shoes now gone, and he is
doing something.
He has his back to me, but I can see he is up to something, fussing
hard doing… something.
So absorbed at what he was trying to do - I stopped moving again.
Nothing prepared me for what I was about to see.

Bulldog turns around. His cock looked even bigger but horrible! Dark
purple and blue, bulging with veins. All swollen, I though it might
explode. Around the bottom, he had tied his shoe lace!
"Bulldog - what the fuck??" - I look at the shoe that hit the wall
and, as I expected - no laces.
"Make shift cock ring" says Bulldog. Standing there - with his cock
presented with a big shoe lace bow at the bottom. All the skin where
tied was puckered up and white, then bulging twisted veins and
engorged. It was grotesque, like a giant purple gherkin.
How the hell did he get hard again so soon? Must have been 5 minutes…

So again I am out. Bulldog - eyes bulging, just rams it in. And then
goes fucking nuts.
Fucking like a psycho, angry fucking, grunting and shouting.
"Uhhhhhhh?…" I am standing there like a twat
Bulldog gets worse and starts making animal noises and biting her neck
- Ashley looks scared. He is biting hard - I can see the tooth marks,
and hammering so hard I can see AND HEAR his turkey-neck nut sacks
mash into her ass.
I try to grab his attention - and whisper "Bulldog"
"Nnnagghh ahhhhhh, uuuuugh"
"Bulldog"
"GNhhhaarrr, uhh, UUUHHH, Arrrrrr"
"BULLDOG"

He looks up - only one eye open like a crazy fucked up pirate. All red
n sweaty with glowing white scars. It spooked the fuck out of me. So I
screamed. Like a little girl
"EEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhh"
I have no Idea why I screamed - probably fear, but I am sure I had
never screamed before. It was loud enough that Ashley stood up
'Shhhlop' over a foot of Bulldog fell out.
'What?' said Ashley.
Me - feeling an even bigger twat "Oh…nothing"
So, as Bulldog was standing there, already, she sat on the edge of the
bed and tried to fit the purple monster in her gob.
I had become a spectator. So - I tried to tell em 'I fold - I'm out,
fuck this, you are both fuckin freaks' but what I actually said was
"Err… hellooooooo?"
With that Ashley flopped the giant cock from her mouth. It looked like
she had been drinking mayonnaise, stood up and tried to kiss me. Right
after smoking Bulldog's mutant pole! FUCK THAT!! She got close enough
that I could smell Bulldog's onion knob stench on her breath! So I
pushed her off - harder than I meant, she fell back onto the bed and
bounced off, onto the floor, smashing a lamp. Letting out the loudest
fanny fart I have ever heard 'Phhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrflp' I
am sure it splashed my face.

Enough was enough. The whole affair was a nightmare. I grabbed my
jeans and slept in the car. Nothing like porn. Not even close!

Never again.