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Hi guys,

Not everyone associates sexual relations with a standard, committed, two-person relationship.   Numerous people enjoy sexual play outside such narrow constructs and, while many may consider these activities to be socially unacceptable, they occur rather frequently.  In order to fully enjoy these practices, you must ensure you understand all of the potential ramifications prior to engaging in them. And today we are going to talk about some of these "unconventional" sexual relationship.

FWB

A "friend with benefits"  is a person with whom you have "no strings attached" sex or sexual relations outside of a committed relationship.   This may be a good friend, a person you know casually from work or simply an acquaintance you've hooked up with specifically and solely for the purposes of sex. So to speak you have someone to enjoy your sexuality with, without having to worry about the "building" of a relationship and all of the attendant commitments and obligations this would normally entail.  You have relatively easy access to free, uninhibited sex at just about any time you feel the need.  The potential down side is that one of you may develop feelings for the other – feelings that may not be reciprocated.   This can have the effect of damaging a good relationship if you've involved with a close friend.

One-Night Stands

One-night stands are (intended to be) one time sexual hook ups, usually done for the specific purpose of a single, non-committal sexual encounter.   If you are not capable of having sex without an emotional attachment, one night stands are probably not for you. These can be an easy way to enjoy the physical side of your sexuality without having to deal with the "familiarity" of someone in an FWB type of arrangement and/or the commitment and responsibilities of a full-time relationship.   This can be a scenario in which you can test out your wild side, and allow you to experiment with a variety of different personality types.  And, once you're done having sex, you go your separate ways with nothing more than a standard goodbye.  The most important disadvantage to these kinds of encounters is that you do not know much (if anything) about your sexual partner.  S/He may have STIs or may be an aggressive partner or dangerous individual for example.  Taking an unknown person back to your place can have dangerous ramifications. Always let someone know where you're going if you plan to involve yourself in these kinds of situations.

Threesomes & Moresomes

Threesomes represent one of the most common sexual fantasies for guys, and to some extent girls.   A threesome is, just as it sounds, sex involving you, your partner, and another person.  With guys it is almost invariably with a second woman involved, though some also enjoy fantasies about involving another guy.  The positives of this type of activity include allowing you to add some spice to your sexual relationship, and perhaps exploring sides of your own sexuality that you might otherwise not have the chance to do.   With the right set of circumstances, a threesome can be an intense, orgasmic experience for everyone.  Getting that set up can be a challenge, however.  You'd have to find someone you trust implicitly, or someone random/unknown who will not be involved with you after the sexual encounter.   Finding someone to enjoy a threesome with can be problematic.  Who do you approach about participating in a threesome?   If you want a stranger, you can try to pick someone up at a bar, club or other venue; going dancing at a club is an excellent place to do this.  Girls can go to lesbian/bisexual clubs and attempt to find another female who is willing to participate.  In a threesome involving two females, their comfort level with each other will be the single biggest determinant of the success of the encounter. As for the sexual act itself, there is always the concern that one of you might focus too much on the third person, and this is certainly a possibility since this will be a person who is unique to the sex you are experiencing.   This "uniqueness" causes each of you to want to focus on them more than the "routine" of sex with your regular partner.  This can generate resentment if one partner appears to be enjoying the third person more than the regular partner. Eventually, you'll all work into a pattern of sexing everyone at the same time.  If it is successful, you'll have the opportunity to explore positions and techniques that you could not up to this point.

You should never agree to a threesome simply to please a partner.  If you don't want to participate of your own accord, don't.   This could permanently (and perhaps fatally) damage your relationship. If you are a person invited to participate in a threesome, you simply have to decide if you're open enough to allow yourself to enjoy the sexual experience without the emotional attachment.   This can be a good way to explore your bi-curiosity, if that is involved.

"Open" Relationships

Open relationships are committed relationships where the two partners are allowed by the other to have sex with people outside the relationship, usually without pre-approval or the previous knowledge of the other partner(s) in the relationship.   This is not "cheating" because the other partner has approved the activity. These kinds of arrangements are common where one partner has a sexual dysfunction that precludes normal sexual activity, for example.  An obvious potential disadvantage to these kinds of relationships is that one or both of the participants may fall in love with or become emotionally attached to the sex partner(s) outside the committed relationship.   This can destroy the base relationship or the external relationship, especially in the event of a fight or other disagreement. Success at these kinds of relationships requires emotional stability, a steady attitude and a strong, deep understanding of the commitment between the two partners in the base relationship.   A failure of any of these is likely to make an open relationship unsuccessful.

Swinging

Swinging is where two (usually committed) partners engage in a pattern of recreational, organized sexual activity with others.   This form of sexual indulgence is usually an adjunct or enhancement to an existing relationship, rather than one pursued specifically on its own merit. You might enjoy swinging if the thought of or the sight of your partner having sex with someone else is a turn on for you.   This activity allows you to explore your sexuality outside the boundaries of what society considers "acceptable" and you may find that tantalizing.  This is a place where women, long the victims of society's double standards considering the enjoyment of sex, can embrace their "slut" side and have sex with as many people as they wish.   If either partner is subject to bouts of jealousy, this is probably not an activity for you. If you have body image or self esteem problems, and/or are not completely comfortable with your own sexuality, swinging might not be for you, either.

The most important issue when considering this type of activity is that both partners must be fully willing to participate.   If one is more enthusiastic than the other, or one just goes along to appease the other, there will be tension, and it will be destructive to your relationship.  If this is something that you'd like to investigate, you and your partner should talk about it, set your own ground rules, and adhere to them while participating in the lifestyle.

Regardless of which of these "out of the ordinary" sexual situations you elect to participate in, you need to ensure that all members are using safe sex practices.   A one-night stand, almost by definition, is an "unsafe" environment, so at a minimum, you should be prepared to use a condom and other safe sex practices in order to prevent acquisition of an unwanted bug.   One orgasm (or more!) is not worth a lifetime of disease.  It is just as much the responsibility of the female(s) involved to have condoms and other safe sex items as it is the guys!   If you participate in a swinger's club, you will most likely be required to use condoms by the club owners, in fact.

Don't make mistakes and end up with a life time of difficulty.  It is your sexuality, and you should feel free to explore your options. At the same time, however, you are responsible for making sure that you don't abuse yourself in the process.